ASSISTANT

I wish I wrote down everything my little desk buddy does every day. I am starting to lose stories. I am sure they will come back to me but if you remember me telling you a story about "Assistant" please remind me, so all the world can see what a daft idiot she is...

Assistant came in with her usual garb today. Some mix between grunge 90's and raver scenster socialite. Why would you tear up a perfectly good pair David Lerner $88 leggings? Anyways, a client came in and I was trying to locate someone for him. I know he was important because no one jokes around with him and he goes into meetings with our president. Assistant was sorting some mail for me and everything was going smoothly. I had talked to her about her professional demeanor when important people come in. Without provocation she shrilled in a horrible gargley cry (she always has "sinus" infections). Me and the client were startled, we looked at her searching for an explanation to her vociferous howl. She threw a magazine in front of the 2 of us and screamed, ewww ewww eww like she just got poo poo on her finger. She jumped up and down, pointing at the magazine and squealed...dildo! dildo!. We both looked at each other, then the magazine, which indecently was a sex toy magazine, and then back at each other. I calmly told her to throw it away and gave her the "shut your fucking mouth" eye. I apologized to our clients and proceeded to carry on completely mortified. I turned around to look at my now silent assistant. All she could say was, Oops, sorryyyyy!

No picture to explain this one folks...