FRONT DESK STORIES

ME: Globe Dwindle how can I help you?

HICK: uh HU HU…uh ya I want to check on my order? See if it went threw, cause I got paid

ME: Ok are you with a retail location or a private consumer?

HICK: Retail…someone called me and they said there was a problem with my payment

CHILD: dad

HICK: I’M ON THE PHONE!!!! I’M ON THE PHONE!!!!!!!!! GAAAA

ME: Uh

HICK: Ya they called me and they said there is a problem with my payment but I got PAID

ME: Ok, do you know who called you?

HICK: NO!

ME: Ok, well then where’s your shop located?

CHILD: but dad

HICK: I. AM. ON. THE. PHONE. CAN”T YOU SEE THAT?!?!?! I’M ON THE PHONE

CHILD: I just

HICK: I WILL HIT YOU, I’LL SMACK YOU RIGHT UP SIDE THE HEAD

ME: WOW

HICK: he is so rude

ME: Nope, not him

HICK: uh ya, sorry about that

ERASERS

I don't know why he smells like erasers, he just does!!! I think its cause he's half elf and half human. Here is why I think that, one ear is a normal human ear and the other one has a very prevalent point to it. It's was deformed. Wait, elf’s don't exist. You know what it is? he's a clone. You ever see the ears they grow on the backs of mice, weird. He loves cheese, and he kind of walks funny. Like he'd rather be on all four sniffing the ground. O that's terrible. DON'T READ THAT! LOOK AWAY! I'm so dramatic. I think I am just associating him to an episode of MavGyver. So MacGyver finds the skeletal remains of a victim but they want to know what the victim looked like. So with a box of number 2 pencils and what appeared to be silly puddy he re-created the face. Here is what he did. He took an exacto knife and cut off the eraser tips then stuck those tips all over the skull. Then he molded the silly puddy all over the human head carcass to the exact depth of the eraser tips. He then painted eyes on some ping pongs, and where he got the wig I have no clue. Such a rascal that MacGyver. It was a perfect likeness. The silly puddy was a little shiny and red so it looked like a burned victim but other then that it was spot on. Consequently after this airing I cut off all the eraser tips on my pencils and my mother made me use those stupid eraser toppers.

PELVIC THRUST

I got humped like 2 and half times today.
0.5 This one guys hugs me to much, I try to appear really crept out when he does but he always come up behind me, grabs me by my wrist and hugs me from behind. Now I know 2 things are going on here, ahhh there is not much space back there once the hug takes place and second he is just squeezing my boobs together so he can look down my shirt.
1. This other guy came in to fix our alarm and he just hovered over me, looking at me really creepy like. I sat there pretending to be busy. Using my peripherals every couple of seconds to see if he was still looking at me. He was. Then he started asking me questions like, do you like working? Yaaaa, and the more I talked to him the more he fidgeted. It wasn’t a normal fidget, it was an awkward twitch cause it just look like he was pelvic thrusting my desk…IT LOOKED LIKE HE WAS HUMPING MY DESK. So 2 things, he thought I was um…attractive? Or he thought my desk was attractive. Which is possible, I once heard of a girl falling in love with a carnival ride and she would some how have sex with it? sounds rusty.
2. So it’s this guys last day and he is on the phone with another guy telling him that he is sitting on my lap and I am giving him a “massage”. So the guy on the other line races to my desk on a skateboard to watch. I wasn’t giving him a massage!!! Just for shits and giggles he decides to grab me from behind and hump my chair.
Now that I think about it maybe guy 1 was sexually attracted to my desk, I have a pretty sexy set up here at the office.

ASSITANT

First of all I want to just put it out there. I am bad at blogging!!! I think it’s cause I’m bad at commitment and there for I am bad at blogging. I hear a lot of stories about lonely girls who blog and have no friends and I just don’t want to be viewed as a girl who takes advice or only has friends on the internet. That is just as creepy to me as a guy who talks to femals on the internet. Please note that!!! Also I am admitting to a lot because I had 3...or 4 beers at lunch. Did I mention I was (past tense) in a cult? Anyways! My assistant is out today, she had a migraine from the all the drugs she does...what a crack head!!! I was reminded a few days ago how I should blog about my fucked up crazy ass semi-retarded assistant. Just so you know she is so a socialite...her dad is the CEO to like everything in Hollywood. Anyways she is out today so I felt like this was great opportunity for me to let you know what a retard she is.

STORY 1:
Assistant came in with a really short skirt to today. I left my desk for a few moments only to come back and see a giant hole in her pantyhose which she intently reveled her a-hole and back vagina, NOT PROFESSIONAL!!! Not to sure if this would be the moment to talk her about work attire. Also her dreams of working in the fashion industry. Another thought, exactly what happened to puncture a hole in that area? Not that I don't snag my leggins here and there, I’m just saying never in that spot. And if I did I can afford another pair with out a ventilation hole in my no-no spot.