Find Away To Dress Like Wendi.

I remember the day I first met Wendi. It had to have been her first day at church because I had never seen anything like her. Church was pretty bland, everyone in their Sunday best and that usually consisted of pastels and khaki and penny loafers. Everyone’s hair was neatly combed and perfect smiles and greetings painted the entire auditorium of South Torrance High School. Wendi was in her early 20’s and I was just approaching my tween years. I had become increasing allergic to white panty hose and Laura Ashley dresses. I hated pastels and spent most of my Sundays staining my pristine dresses with bright grass stains and splashes of Kool-Aid. I was convinced it made the outfit better. My mother begged to differ and with her crazy voodoo magic would always manage to restore it to its original condition. Blasted Tide!!! That Sunday Wendi had walked into church in the most amazing outfit I had ever seen. She wore a black lacy toot like skirt. It’s like if Madonna had gone into my closet took all the puffy sleeves off my dresses, dyed them black and made a skirt out of it. I would have been so luck if someone would have stolen those sleeves! Her belt was just a piece of bright purple fabric tied around her waist. She had the most amazing distressed leather jacket and a million bangle bracelets on her wrist. They where silver and gold and black and yellow and green and pink and every one of my favorite colors. She painted her nails black and small bits of yellow nail polish broke threw from under neither. At the time I thought, ‘what an artist to create such prints on her finger nails.’ Looking back I think she just painted over an existing color and some had chipped off revealing her cover up. Either way I thought it was genius. Her hair was curly and wild and high in the air and would have flown away had she not tied it down with cute vibrant scarf. Her shoes where my favorite, it was a half boot. She wore them with socks with ruffles on the ends. As soon as I saw the shoes I began plotting several different way to one day have them in my position. I eventually did, only to have them stolen by some rapscallion at the skating rink. I remember staring at her; I remember my mom pinching me telling me it was not polite to stair; I remember her smile. This giant smile colored pink and happy. I remember her eyes; I remember her eyes the most. They looked at you like she had known you for years; they drew you in and made you their best friend. I eventually worked the courage to meet her and walked up to her with my best friend Kimmy, who was also flabbergasted at this wonderful creature. I went up to her and said, 'I like your bracelets' and she said, 'I like your dress.' That day I liked Laura Ashley dresses…for like a minute. I immediately went back to devising a plan to find away to dress like Wendi.

Phocking Disappointment

ME: What a phocking disappointment!!!
DUDE: what happened?
ME: I am disppointed in Whole Foods and the entire city of Westminster
DUDE: So you didn't find a good pho place?
ME: I did but no one in Westminster takes credit, there was Pho everywhere but none of them took a card, wasted half my lunch trying to get pho and finally went to whole foods and they had pho!
DUDE: really?
ME: that's what I said, I was really excited for a second cause its so easy you can't really get it wrong
DUDE: ya, i just don't see this working out for you
ME: It didn't, the broth looked like motor oil and it tasted like...uh motor oil with a bag of sugar in it? it was gross, like I want to throw it in their face and curse at them in vietnamese

DUDE: you don't know vietnamese
ME: i was so mad i think i did for a second
ME: I feel like this is my fault, I should have never have forced the pho.
DUDE: lesson today...never force pho
ME: its true in life as it is in pho, never force the issue. Sadly though I still smell like pho.
DUDEL how?
ME: I think it just happens once you make that left on Beach, just happens :(

OC SHORES

Phe & nat: o my gosh!!! (Fish tank on the ground)
Phe: well it was bound to happen
Nat: EARL!!!!
Phe: where is the fish?
Nat: he probably ate it
Phe: EARL! He's dead, he's totally dead...
Nat: what? Why would he be dead?
Phe: cause that fish can be poisonous if not prepared correctly
Nat: whatever! There he is!!!

Phe: Earl go to your room, you killed your friend
Nat: well I guess we have to put the cat down.
Phe: nice..

Phe: sniffle sniffle...sniffle
Nat: (scornful stair)
Phe: SORRY!!!
Nat: breath threw your mouth
Phe: k (exaggerated deep breathing)
Nat: STOP!!!
Phe: whaaaaat? :(
Nat: you’re doing it on purpose!!!
Phe: I need to breath! I'm a human being with lungs that require oxygen!!!

Watching house hunters
Tv: I don't know about the shelving in this room?
Julie: WHAT!?!? You can put anything on those shelves!...train set...

Nat: (bust of laughter)
Phe: (chocking on her tea)
Julie: what? I don't like people speaking negatively about shelving
Nat: no, no I wasn't laughing at you Phoebe was!!!
Phe: NO!!! I was laughing at those house buyers for not think of it first, they should have walked into that room seen those shelves and immediately thought...train set. BOOM!

I'm On A Boat

This guy sang I'm on a boat, that skit from snl. It's was basically the most amazing thing I have ever seen, the KJ even did back up with a Vocoder and I mean it just hard to explain, it was just awesome! This is the conversation that proceeded after he got of stage.



Me: Omg I have to meet you, that was epic!!!
Dude: aw thanks, you’re cute
Me: why thank you
Dude: you make those crutches look good girl, it's sexy
Me: I don't agree but your compliment will be submitted and evaluated at a later point when I'm not so drunk
(Side note: I don't know why I talk like lawyer when I'm flirting; it's a terrible idea, sooo not sexy and does not work)
Dude: haha, ok
Me: sorry, well I just wanted to tell that was like the most amazing thing I have ever seen!
Dude: I have some other amazing things you can see...
Me: Uh what?...
Dude: just saying, I can show you some other things I have that will amaze you...
Me: uuuuuh, I want to be naive right now and pretend that you’re talking about some epic train collection you have at home...
Dude: k
Me: I got go

TEAM VAN

ME: (on a starbucks run, stopped, waiting at a light)
CRAZY: THUMP
ME: What the deuce!!!!
CRAZY: (walks around the van)
ME: (rolling down my window) everything alright?
CRAZY: (chucks his unopened can of Hawaiian punch at the van)
ME: HEY!!! Take it eassssssy...
CRAZY: fuck you and your life
ME: what?
CRAZY: HOE!!!
ME: wait a minute...

IN THE OFFICE WITH THE MANAGER
ME: Small accident
MGR: what?!?!
ME: Someone kicked the team van
MGR: whaaaat?
ME: ya, he kicked the team van with his foot, there is a dent
MGR: o man
ME: also he threw his punch at me
MGR: lets go look


ME: Yep there its is (small droplets of punch)


MGR: are you serious, how did this happen?
ME: Not sure, but he also called me a hoe...and that is circumstantial, there is no evidence to back that statement!!!
MGR: why didn't you kill him?
ME: well I didn't think that was an option.
MGR: so weird
ME: it’s kind of typical for me, sorry.